When Daddy Does the Shopping

Why don’t most married men do the grocery shopping in the relationship: Laziness? Sexism? Boredom? Cluelessness? In our marriage, I go once in a while. Why? Well…exhibit A:

Last Saturday, I went running. Because I’m logging as many miles as coffee I’m drinking these days, I decided to begin my “Out and Back” run next to one of our favorite local coffee houses. Except it’s actually in a grocery store. Though I most frequently patronize Starbucks, there is even better coffee and espresso! (If you haven’t understood this, please talk with me for directions on your next step.) So I run my 3 or 4 miles and walk right into the store – the one we commonly refer to as “Whole Paycheck.” (Despite said name, their espresso is ironically less expensive than Sbux.)

I wait in line, accidentally cut in front of a gracious man (because I’m so focused on the roasted beans), then sip my reward for exercising in sub 50 degree weather (very noble for Californians). Exhale. Aaaaahhhh, carefree Saturday mornings: kids at home, sipping a latte, thawing out in the bakery…oh hey, what is that smell? Oh wow. Fresh baked bread! Crunchy on the outside, chewy and warm on the inside. We definitely need a baguette!

I wonder if we need anything else? Hmmm. Let’s see. I know Jana is headed to Trader Joes later today, but I never go with her and there are a few “must have” items I want. I think I’ll wander through the aisles. Oh here’s the refrigerator section. I wonder if they have any…oh there it is! One quart of fresh squeezed orange juice. There’s nothing like it. And 6 bucks is SO worth it. Oh and there’s the milk. $5 for organic? No way.

Alright let’s see here. What’s in this aisle? Pancake syrup, chocolate bars. That reminds me – I have SO been craving one of those Santa Barbara Blazing Blenders peanut butter, chocolate, and banana smoothies. Perfect! The girls will love it. Mama’s at work tonight and we can go crazy. Let’s see, chocolate syrup – $4.50. A bit pricey, but by the time I drive to the store down the street it’ll cost me that much in gas. Oh, what the heck! Now, Ice cream. I’ll just buy the cheap stuff. Plain vanilla, store brand. Yikes, still $5. Oh well, there’s nothing like PB, chocolate, banana smoothies.

Okay, I better get home before I do too much damage. I’ll just walk this way to the regis…Hold the phone! Are those LOCAL microbrews? It is so not fair that it’s so cloudy and cold here in the winter. If it were warmer, I'd be playing golf every weekend. And that’s like $50 a round. This high quality Red Hook Copper Ale is gonna be so tasty. Perfect for our friends who are discriminating beer drinkers. Look at all the money I saved by not golfing today! On to the register. Look at those flowers! I haven’t bought flowers for my bride in a long time. And she’s watching the kids while I get some quality alone time this morning. She is so great!

“Good morning,” says the cashier. “Ice cream, beer, flowers. Someone’s having a party!” I search for a comeback. Yeah, my life is a non-stop party…that’s how I roll… “Uh, sure,” was my lame reply. At that moment I realized the obvious. My stop for coffee had turned into a shopping extravaganza of biblical proportions. Confirmed upon my arrival home, when Jana witnessed the carnage – “Look what happens when daddy does the shopping!” Well, at least I didn’t go golfing!